party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
