I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
