Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
