it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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