its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This gyro tastes like lonliness
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize