Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
