yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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