she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
