Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
