Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
