New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
