whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
