Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
