But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
