you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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