Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
