I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found your dick twin last night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My feet surprised me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
