My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize