My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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