The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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