you traded sex for a burrito?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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