NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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