Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
