If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize