I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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