That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
