Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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