I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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