You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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