Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
