Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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