ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
