That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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