either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
