WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
