My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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