Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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