Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
