im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize