She's JV to your varsity
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
