last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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