theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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