Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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