I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
