i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
