I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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