We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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