party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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