Plan B is the new Plan A
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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