We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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