I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
