First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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