The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
