she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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