so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You're like the curious george of whores
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i think i just lost a toe
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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