you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
