Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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