Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
