Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
