I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
