wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Enjoy the penises
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
