dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Plan B is the new Plan A
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
