Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
