You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
