Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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