you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
