It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
