you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
