Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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