I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize