I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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