She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
