it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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