HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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