he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
