He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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